In my previous post, I have talked about the first two areas of my life I have prayed for in anticipation of the new year.
My third prayer item for 2023 is not that easy for me to write here. It involved a lot of prayer and soul searching in order to identify what I truly want and what I should know before getting into it.
Back in 2013/2014, I came across a blog post where the author encourages every Christian girl or lady to create a list of traits and qualities which her future husband ought to have. She also listed down the 12 non-negotiables for a godly Christian husband. I’d love to include the link to that article; unfortunately, the website was down at writing time.
The intention to create my own husband list was delayed by distractions and the difficulties of adulting. It was not until October 2022 that I really sat down and considered my very own husband list. What can I live with? What can I live without? What can’t I live with? What can’t I live without?
I had planned to share some of the points from said husband list here. However, when it was time for me to draft this post, I realised that there was something else that needed to be addressed before I can truly talk about this topic.
Being a believer in Jesus Christ, I set aside a Sunday afternoon and a playlist of Christian worship music to seek His voice on this matter. Before I could think about the criteria for a suitable husband, there are three truths I needed to face.
First: Be honest about your desires
As it transpired, God wants me to be honest about my desires.
Yes, I want to get married. I want to be married.
Not that I am not content to be single; in fact, I’m perfectly happy living life now as a single woman.
Nevertheless, I had fantasised about marriage since primary school. I would create relationships and marriages among imaginary characters in my daydreams. When I attend my friends’ weddings, my mind would take notes in order to create a picture of my own wedding, whenever that will be.
In short, I would love to have my own wedding and be married to a husband with whom I will love to spend my days with. And I need not be ashamed to admit this desire of mine.
Second: Where you are weak, God is strong
Another thing that God wants me to know is: My weakness is His strength.
Occasionally I do wonder whether I am wife material and that I have the qualities that men will desire in a woman. Just the day before I wrote this post, I looked up “Proverbs 31 wife”.
Although I do have much room for improvement, there is this principle: do not change yourself just for the sole purpose of attracting potential husband candidates. If my future boyfriend/husband only sees my false front I put on and not my true character or behaviours, what is the point? Likewise, a potential husband should not change themselves just for the sake of keeping me in the relationship.
This is not to say that one need not work on eliminating bad habits or resolving emotional/mental health issues. In my view, one should already be working on his or her personal issues prior to entering into a serious relationship – if a guy does this, I will know that he can independently work on his personal development.
That being said, there is no need for me to fear not being good enough for my future husband, or not being wife material. Where I am weak, there my God is strong. Hence, it is good enough that I depend on Him.
Third: God is more than enough for you
Even if I will remain single all my life, He is more than enough. His presence is the blessed life. As long as God is there for me, there is no need to worry about not having an abundant life. A husband is human, but God is God.
The One Criteria I Truly Believe In (And Maybe It Will Be Yours Too)
Do we still need to determine what qualities we would like our spouse to have? Yes, definitely; otherwise, we will fall for just anyone who may not be the perfect fit.
When it comes to my own criteria for a husband, there is one thing that is a dealbreaker: He must be willing to lay down his life for a friend.
Now, before we take the “laying down his life” part too literally – what does “laying down your life for your friend” in this present time looks like? A kungfu master fighting an enemy to protect the life of his injured friend? I might fall for him if I am part of that movie (lol).
Jokes aside, the first thing that pops to my mind is protection – protecting your friends from harm. Not allowing their good name from being slandered. Protecting them from being abused or walked on. Or even preserving their lives, literally.
A perfect example of someone who had done the above is Jesus Christ. He laid down His life for us by dying on the cross so that we may live under the Father’s grace.
How do we describe Jesus when He did that? That is how I will describe my future husband.
- Humble – counting his status as nothing, he serves everyone to the best of his ability without fear or favour.
- Forgiving – he chooses to forgive when others does him wrong and keeps no grudges.
- Selfless – choosing to give up something that benefits himself in order to show love to another person.
- Protective – he watches out for the safety of the people around him; speaks up for the defenseless and the wrongly accused.
The above are not equal to being a doormat or a people pleaser. If he has joy in laying down his life for his friend – he is doing it right.
Nevertheless, before a man could lay down his life for a friend, he must first be connected to his Father.
In other words, my future husband should be a practising Christian who is willing to lay down his life, comforts or benefits in order to love another person.
If you wish to read more about laying down lives for friends, I found an article which explains this matter quite well: Laying Down Life – Bradley Hills Presbyterian Church
Of course, I have other points in my husband list other than the above criterion. Perhaps I could reveal some of them in my future posts (spoiler: it’s a long list with 3 sections).
Do you have your own husband (or wife) list as well? I would love to hear about it.
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