His Will Be Done In 2023: Prayers for the New Year

This is originally written as a journal post in my Notion page on the last day of 2022.

Sometimes I feel that the blame for the mistakes of the past all falls back to me, even if I was unwilling to make them in the first place.

The keyword is “unwilling”. Because at that time, I was convinced that it was wrong to do it, yet someone else kept insisting it was the right thing to do. In the end, I bore the brunt of another person’s “wrong” advice.

My initial plan was to enter the corporate field for about five years before making the transition to academia. The aim was to be an educator with corporate experience in order to be able to prepare my students for the workplace. Besides that, a master’s degree is the minimum requirement to teach in most universities.

However, my father strongly felt that I should pursue my dream right away. Perhaps he thought I was lacking confidence to become a lecturer or a tutor at a young age; hence he tried to encourage me to apply for teaching jobs in my alma mater as soon as possible. But I knew in my heart that I wouldn’t achieve anything if I do so at that time. The time was not right for me to live my calling just yet.

Unfortunately, I was unable to convince my father of my convictions. I ended up going all the way from Ipoh to Kampar to meet the HR. The discussion with the HR merely confirmed what I had known all along.

My convictions were proven right – but no one acknowledges this fact, not out loud anyway. Instead, it felt as if I was expected to “own up” to those mistakes as if I was the one who wanted to commit them in the first place.

Why so?

Perhaps I will never get that validation.

Maybe it was a test, to find out if I will still honour my parents’ opinions even if I am right – and not receive any human validation thereafter, so as not to puff myself up in pride.

Regardless, I am still convinced, that God’s plans for my life are in no way hindered by all those wrong turns earlier in the journey. There is a reason He allowed me to go through hoops to reveal what I already knew, but not until there is no turning back. These are stories to show for when I teach my students in future.

What did I pray for the congregation on the afternoon of 31 December 2022? That we will lay down our regrets, our shame, our mistakes in the past and move on to the hope of the future and eternity.

The prayer applies to me as well. I should stop looking back and keep pushing the plow forward, by looking at what is ahead of me. To put my shame and regrets on the cross and let them die there. If I am an illustrator, I would have a drawing of a large cross with the words “SHAME” and “REGRETS” nailed onto it.

For 2023, there are three main areas I have prayed for:

1. Career

In 2022, by God’s grace, I have managed to secure a job in a public listed company closer to home and with better work-life balance.

I now have two choices:

• To apply for a Graduate Employment Scheme with a university and have my master’s studies paid for; or
• To continue working in this company for a few more years and self-fund my master’s studies.

Honestly, I don’t feel “released” from my current job for the time being. A lot can change in a few months’ time, however.

I will hold this decision with loose hands. Let the Lord’s will be done. I just pray that when I knock onto the door called Graduate Employment Scheme, there will be an answer: whether it is an open door, or the “CLOSED” sign being hanged on the door.

2. Finances

I was astonished to find that I have managed to achieve a RM4,000++ deficit in my 2022 budget. On the bright side, I have paid every single loan installment ever since I started. God is faithful.

Coming from a not-so-privileged background, I would spend my leftover income to try stuff I didn’t have the opportunity to try during my growing up years. Luckily, I don’t have much taste for expensive material items except food, but there is also no rainy-day fund kept despite having worked for nearly six years and counting.

This needs to change. For the first time, I am seriously considering moonlighting freelancing to supplement my income.

In the meantime, this shall be my go-to verse:

The third area warrants a post of its own, so I will leave that for another fortnight.

Do you have New Year goals, or have completely given up on making them? Either way, we all can benefit from a little encouragement (even from an internet stranger) – so do share about it. 🙂