Hi there! If you manage to scroll all the way here, thank you for taking the time to read the beginning of my journey.
The Dream
When I was seven, my very first cita-cita (ambition) was to be a teacher. The more popular ambition among primary school children at that time was to be a doctor, but being a doctor has never appealed to me (and still does not appeal to me). It was far more attractive to my seven-year-old self to become a teacher instead; hence I wrote “guru” in my exercise book. Not that I actually recall doing that, though. But every student would have been asked to create a biodata at some point in his or her schooling years.
Fifteen years later – I have reached my second last trimester in pursuing a bachelor degree in commerce majoring in accounting. Amidst the wide array of accounting and auditing firms (including the much coveted Big 4 auditing firms), I had to decide on the very first step I would take in my working life. Not wanting to start on a wrong footing, I sat in my hostel praying for the right direction.
As Hillsong Worship’s “Open Heaven (River Wild)” began playing on my laptop, visions of myself standing in front of a class flooded my mind and brought a sense of belonging in me. Slowly it dawned upon me that I could stay in collage for as long as I want to.
Yes – to be a lecturer it is.
Timing is everything
There are many types of lecturers. Some just wanted better work-life balance or to get away from the corporate rat race. There are also wonderful lecturers who love teaching and guiding students onto the right path in life. Some do the bare minimum to hit their KPIs, while others go above and beyond to nurture students under their care. I choose the latter.
However, I am not going to able to be a decent lecturer right off the bat, i.e. right after graduation. My aspiration was, and still is, to be the lecturer who is able to guide students with navigating the corporate rat race.
Therefore, it is necessary for me to get a job in the industry in order to know what it is really like. Five years in the industry. After that, pursue a master’s degree. That was the plan.
After my internship in a Big 4 auditing firm was over, I told my father about my plan. He had a different view: I should get started on achieving my dream as soon as possible.
Reluctantly then, I submitted a job application to my alma mater for a tutor post. Following my father’s pressing, I went all the way to Kampar from Ipoh to speak with the human resource staff. At that time, I knew it was not the right timing to be doing all these. And this was reflected in the human resource staff’s answers to my questions.
After that, I started working in a small accounting firm in Ipoh, before moving on to corporate secretarial firms in Kuala Lumpur and Selangor. Under God’s favour, my managers liked me and began to plan my career progression. At my previous workplace, my manager called me to basically discuss about my next promotion that was supposed to happen half a year later.
A week later, burnout hit me on the head.
Turning Point
Before the pandemic, I would feel reluctant to leave the office early as it felt good to be able to finish as much tasks as possible before clocking out for the day. After said burnout came knocking, I found myself counting off the hours to 6.00 p.m. every day. A few lethargic months later, the voice saying please resign, please resign prevailed. No way I could continue slaving at this job like it is my whole life.
The promotion offer did come half a year later – but I rejected it.
By early April 2022 (and after a week of obligatory break), I switched to an in-house role with more manageable workload. My friends commented that my face looked more radiant.
But still, waking up on weekdays felt like a chore, even when I slept before 11.30 p.m. the night before. For a long time, I wondered why.
Until one day, I chanced upon a job vacancy advertisement for Associate Professor/Professor/Senior Lecturer/Lecturer at my alma mater. Later on, I realised that the first time I suffered from burnout was in July 2022 – around five years after I first saw the vision of myself teaching a class in a university.
It is time.
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